Gulabi Thand...

This is that time of the year when despite the pollution, Delhi is at its best weather.... jisse hum Hindi mein kehte hain Saundhi saundhi thand yaa phir Gulaabi thand.... aisa mausam jo aap ko hausla deta hai ... aage badhne kaa .... baaki dinon ki tarah nahin jab kahin zyada garmi sey aap thakkte rehte hain yaa phir zyada sardi sey thithurte rehte hain aur baarish ki baat toh naa hi chhedhein toh achha... jeevan kaa chakka jaam ho jaata hai sadhakon par beh rahe ataah paani ki wajah sey.

Coming back to this post; November is according to me the best month in Delhi NCR when the winters are just giving a subtle hint of their presence ... for a person struggling at a personal level with depression sometimes; anxiety at others and a constant struggle to stay afloat most of the times; this weather gives alot of hope.

One rarely opens up so casually about their mental health challenges; but I am doing so, purely from a therapeutic angle; not caring if there are going to be or not going to be any readers ... not here for sympathy ... only to journal my own evolution as a parent to a child on the autism spectrum with dysgraphia and learning difficulties and an adult struggling with mental health challenges; where each day I accept the challenge of moving forward ... sometimes strides and other times just keep breathing.

The autism journey is gradually making me the person who is learning to live in the here and the now ..... often getting tempted to catapult to a future I have no clue of; seldom but never the less to a past I perhaps had and continue to have no control over. Hindi mein bolein toh yeh safar ek sthoolta sey sookshmata kaa safar bannta jaa raha hai.

Why journaling after a long gap of five years you may ask? Or perhaps what was I upto for the past five years could be another question...

I am returning to my blog to continue to remain in the here and the now; to express and feel gratitude towards all things bright and beautiful happening for us, to keep an account of challenges and how we overcome those challenges on a day to day basis and most of all to celebrate parenting of a wonderful child that my A is... he makes the journey worth its while.

I was not really quiet in the past five years, just became very private; I wrote but not to share... the results are good I may report from five years ago... a time when the school who took A in first grade in July and said in October "we can't seem to help him, we are clueless about how to handle him" to now when A is confidently attending class 5 in the same school navigating the highs and lows with grace - dignity and courage .... we seem to have come a long way. I don't think I'll journal the progress of the past five years as we need to focus on the here and the now .... but off and on ... I will keep referring contextually to the then and now ... as need emerges.

For the current targets; amongst other things; my two very personal targets are Money Matters and Minding numbers. Well A has a school cafeteria which he is very enthusiastic about; I am starting his understanding of social maths ... money to be more precise from here... we go through the rigmarole every twice a week on cafeteria day; "How much do you need me to give you for cafeteria today?" "how do we make Rs. 60 - one fifty and one ten / how much is 50 and ten?" The second thing I felt is needed urgently is for A to know the phone numbers of the three primary caregivers in his life. God forbid; should there ever be a need for him to seek help to reach us; he must know the basics of where he lives (which he knows); what are the numbers of his parents (which I intent to teach).

For now we are taking just these two personal goals since there is already way too much otherwise to achieve ... and thank God for that.

I'll see if I can click a picture tomorrow of the Gulaabi thand...

And will keep updating my journey as I go along... should there be a reader other than myself ...
Happy reading!

New beginings...

Today we earmark a new begining ... two actually... one, return to this blog after 5 long years and return to keyboard lessons after five years. The purpose of returning to the blog is to journal progress and our journey in music and life at large. Hope Maa Saraswati and Lord Vinayak be with us i  our journey all along.

Our first music lesson ...

Date with the tooth fairy

So we finally had a date with the tooth fairy .... my son has grown up enough to enter the dentist's clinic .... this is a milestone, it is really. Our first dentist visit EVER since A's birth was last month, when I saw a tiny little tooth sprouting behind one tooth in his lower jaw, and that was enough to get me in a panic. The dentist was very patient, despite A's insistent attempt at handling the clasp himself to pull out his tooth (major trust issues I tell you). The dentist found it kind of cute, so we were all happy.

Back home, over the weekend, it was the Dad who did the honours of pulling the shaky wabbly milk tooth out with a thread, and my boy came out bravely sporting a semi toothed grin and was momentarily stunned by the sting of the experience.

The next tooth would be a cake walk we thought .... but much to our disappointment, A was sporting a 'once bitten twice shy' syndrome, what with soaring levels of anxiety each time the Dad approached the tooth.

I just let it pass, and prayed for mother nature to play her part ... which she did,
one morning, while eating breakfast, my son exclaimed 'Shock lag gayee' (his expression for I am hurt) and there we had it ... a tiny tooth in a tiny hand ....

To be honest, all my tall claims of burying the teeth and having tooth fairy come with a gift have only been just that ... tall claims because the anti climax was he started playing with the teeth and lost them, While I have bought the gifts, but will do the drill when the next tooth breaks....

I usually don't get things right the first time now do I???

Looking forward to the next time.....

Mummy returns!!

For records, I had thought I will give up journalling my joyride along the roller coaster called 'Motherhood' owing to some extremely pokey and stingy mosquito bites, which were totally uncalled for .... WOMEN!!! There is no explaining them is there now? They will ASSUME and cook up a story to suit their convenience and meddle in other people's lives and business, conniving and striving to control ..... wow!!!! I sometimes do wish I was not one .... am now kind of happy that I always harboured a self doubt .... some womanly habbits ... I just don't possess.

I've been quiet for long, because I am not ashamed to admit on a public forum that I have been hurting .... and THIS very public is responsible. When I decided to open up and share my world, it was with a vision, to help create a ripple of compassion, fun and connect with all mothers having "similar struggles' but I landed in a big soup upsetting some "over privileged mothers" and some "over privileged others".

DISCLAIMER .... PLESE DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU BELONG TO A CLASS THAT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY, STRUGGLES, CHALLENGES AND HOPE. For the privileged getting everything served on a golden platter ..... I beseech thee ....
Disappear .... will you!!!

I will make a noise .... it is my right to ....

I heard alot of discussion around appearance, and establishing routines, and discipline and what not .... good for you if this has been working for you owing to the easy hand you got with life, and if you protest and say hey no ... then I don't see why you are in the "circle of criticism" you need to move to the circle of compassion .... no body gets it easy, and we all make the most of what ever is dealt to us. I did my best, and am living on with that, if my best is not your idea of best .... please look the other way!!!!

I am not going to let my happiness and joy suffer .... that of enjoying the best thing that happened to me ....

Motherhood! :-)

The Shiv Nadar School expereince

The Shiv Nadar journey for us did not last very long, but I'd not like to believe it is over ... to them I dedicate ... 'when I can not reach out and hug you in person, I hug you in my prayers' :-)

A and I owe alot to them, the amount of love they gave A and me in a such a short span of time, the way A settled there despite facing MANY personal challenges, is truly commendable.

Its heartening to see how inclusion is becoming the flavor of the mainstream, ofcourse implementation takes its time but as a parent I am grateful for the fact that they put in their best.

(I will update this further as I get the time)

Though a shift back to his earlier school was a necessity beyond our control, it does not do away with the fact that Shiv Nadar school Noida has been extremely warm and forthcoming in welcoming us into their family.

We know really great things await them, they have the potential of reaching out and making a huge difference to both their children as well as parents.

Here is a lovely video which needs preserving and documenting in A's journey, a video that gets me choked each time I watch it ... reminding me of all the effort that went into making this year a fun filled one helping A progress so beautifully through the year.

A moment of celebration

So at A's sports intervention this evening, A peddled his trycycle independently for the VERY first time.  It was his smaller tricycle which I have donated to the sports intervention team but A tends to use it as a leisure time activity or for waiting.

I somehow feel overwhelmed almost chocked with tears whenever my A makes seemingly insignificant yet an important stride towards life :-)

His sports sir also reported that he insisted on having a go at the skating board, and with his sir's help he tried to use the skate board.

And not to forget roller skates, well I was honestly a bit skeptical being very firm initially with his Sir expressing displeasure stating he was being over ambitious and I'd rather have him go slow. But he had a valid reason when he said he needed to break the monotony also he seemed confident, so I just let him be the boss.

And guess what? From a cranky non compliant skater A transitioned within two sessions to 'A pehenegaa skates'.

The best part of this intervention is that his Sir wants no interference, so I leave A in his care and sit in the car with my book, prayer beads ... what can be so comforting. This place is near a lovely park, so I will bring my walking shoes and indulge in some physical intervention for myself.

And from the fine motor factory, A is able to make a beautiful fish complete with details and designs, and he makes a cat complete with all the minute features, he also has a go at making mamaa, papa, didi and A and his house is a small circle attached to a bigger circle which is home to Nani, masi, Maamu, Maami, Yajur and Atharvee. Says something about his emotional need.

Am glad we are working in the direction that is totally aligned to his emotional need.

And the alphabets have all been achieved only they aren't all that well aligned.

Now we are only left with long pending language targets and getting rid of the bottle (eesh, sorry you are allowed to get judgmental about my laid back mothering, but in my defense  when bottle goes away, pediasure goes away, I can't afford that right now, not till his oral protocol has made huge strides, but promise to have it off by the year end).

Karmic Retribution

Abraham Lincoln the 16th president of the United States once said "Truth is generally the best vindication against slander."

I totally agree, and feel assured that I am part of the Nichiren Diashonin Budhism group that are my all time strength providers.

"Budhism teaches the law of cause and effect as it operates in life. In other words, by aligning our lives with the underlying law of the universe and transforming ourselves through human revolution, we draw out the inherent life force that resides within us and establish a life condition of happiness."

'Budhism teaches the way to build a state of absolute happiness in this life for both self and others and the path to happiness to all eternity. It teaches the way to lasting peace and prosperity for all humanity."

"Budhism teaches the need for 'the wisdom of the truth that functions in accordance with changing circumstances."

So ... Update

Two weeks of winter break with a four year old is grief enough, but to be fair to A he has been fairly accommodating and somewhat doing his thing, he is God's truest blessing upon me, my life force. Without detail I too have been through the most difficult time of my life this gone month, the terrifying tempest has subsided and peace and quiet abounds my house yet again, and I owe it totally to the mystic law and my family of fellow practitioners. They have held our hand, both G's and mine and navigated us back to wellness. From a place of gratitude I share something I was deeply moved by.

Lessening Karmic Retrbution

A person's karma is created by his / her thoughts, words and deeds.

It is not created by the actions, words and deeds of anybody else, no matter how closely related they may be.

This knowledge helps us to stop blaming others and feeling like a victim.

We create our own karma, building our tomorrow on the foundations we lay today.

What we are dealing with today is a consequence of our thoughts, words and deeds in the past.

In 'Lessening Karmic Retribution' Nichiren Diashonin states 'If one's heavy karma of the past is not expiated within this lifetime, one must undergo the sufferings of hell in the future, but if one experiences extreme hardship in this life, the sufferings of hell will vanish instantly."

Due to benefits accumulated through consistent, steadfast faith and practice one can lessen, in terms of both time and intensity, the karmic retribution that one would otherwise have to suffer over a longer period, even several lifetimes.

The term Karmic retribution literally means, 'transforming the heavy and receiving it lightly'.
"Heavy indicates negative karma accumulated over countless lifetimes in the past. By experiencing minor sufferings we can expiate negative karma that would have brought greater suffering."

President Ikeda states " There is no such thing as a life that is free of hardships. We experience hardships precisely so that we can achieve true peace in life. But unless we are aware of our inner strength to withstand hardships, we will find ourselves in a situation where one difficulty gives rise to another and we will ultimately be crushed by their weight. The principle of lessening Karmic retribution explains the quintessential power that resides within ourselves and enables us to withstand hardships.

The Important thing is how we change our attitude or inner resolve at this moment. This is because we can freely create our future through our determination and action right at this very instant."

Lessening one's Karmic retribution is not a simple settling of accounts; it implies a findamental transformation of our lives, whereby we put a stop to the negative cycle of suffering and delusion and enter a new positive trajectory of happiness."

Reach out with total empowerment, compassion and love ..... eventually things will turn around. And the pragmatic world that spreads negativity secretly wishing the worst for you, what you wish for others eventually comes around in double for you.