Training for tolerance

So Television is back in our house.
A is learning to tolerate the noise of TV, I switch it on for some time and shape his behaviour.

Till yesterday he was able to do his thing in another room while the tv was on for up to 15 minutes, today I am happy to announce, I got watch TV for a GOOD one hour without A asking for it to be shut.

He continues to love writing with chalk on our wooden floor, he has learnt to make many alphabets - for records - he can write A, E, K, O, P, B and will update as I see, he continues to make F in reversal, and uses both his hands from time to time, but is showing preference for the right hand. I am mostly happy because there is increasing strength visible in his hand and the pincer grasp is becoming more precise. He is at the floor all the time, happily invested in independent scribbling.

He continues to cry when he listens to loud music as was reported today at Bubbles, where he was attending the farewell party. Bubbles has come to an end for us :-( :-( but we are happy for what we got while it lasted. A shows remarkable improvement in following instruction in group situations. His teacher commended him for his vast vocabulary but the fact that he is not able to utilize his full potential in terms of retrieving the vocab when asked 'what is this'. He does it accurately when asked to touch 'chair' but when you show the picture of chair and ask what is this ... the confidence is lacking ... I guess (runs in the family I mean both parents).

The fact that in hand strength is improving, he unscrews bottles with ease ... the ill effect of which is that he climbs all heights using stools, chairs etc and reaches for a bottle of homeopathic medicine and tries to help himself, and my superwoman training ... summersaulting from one corner to grab the bottle and placing it higher up comes in handy.

I am grateful to God, for some good things.

The bad however is ... Uniform mania.

Now that he goes to school and is used to wearing a uniform (for our children this feeds into their ritualistic behavior) we experience SUCH A FIGHT every one since he is not able to understand why he can not wear the same sweater every day. Its almost as if I am pealing off his skin when I take his sweater out.


Picture schedule is what people recommend, making charts ets takes time, but I am committed to getting it done.

He manages to spend some time on my laptop looking at a chart of hindi alphabets, we have downloaded.

That much technology suffices.

God was specifically kind, since last few days owing to the severe traffic jams, he has been such a decent child, well there again I had strategies Mr Nutella came to my rescue. Now that its winter and Ice cream is not the best thing for him, Nutella is the next best alternative.

He continues to protest if while in a jam, he overhears music in someone else's car.

Last week coming from Mayur Vihar was a nightmare ... as we stepped down from his OT center, a baraat was making way out of the lane, with all the loud music and dance ...there was no blocking it and I spent a good 10 minutes of trying to tolerate the torture that was giving to my little child.

Some tortures ... you just can't train for tolerance.

Progress card

Yesterday we attended the H school Fate. Lovely experience, very well organised and very warmly received. I don' tknow why this school feels like family to me, because my friends and family are working there or because they work like friends and family. Its a lovely school.

The bigger surprise was A, I was very nervous about what it would be like, and yup, you guessed it, he couldn't tolerate the loud music and the lack of structure in the environment and starting saying from the very start 'mamu kee big car mein nani house jaayegaa.' Disaster I thought, I should never allow myself to be so vulnerable, I left my car behind at Nani's thinking quite neurotypically that we are going in bhaiya's car. So I tried to problem solve. Took him away from the action into the school's jhoola zone which has a huge sand pit and lovely slides.

A thoroughly enjoyed there, it was quiet, few people, and A had all the things he needed, slide, sand and silence :-) Honestly I didn't really have a plan, so we whiled away the time for the next 40 minutes just like that. Then, he started getting bored and saw a child with chocolate and demanded for chocolate.

We took the plunge, made Divya carry him and we headed to the fate again, towards the food stalls trying to see what can be bought for him. Home made brownies which was incidentally my Sisiter's students' stall. Bought him cake, bought myself and Divya the very famous Sharma Ji ke chhole kulche (you need to have lived in GK to know what They are).

A sat like a happy child and ate his cake, he also had his probiotic which I was carrying and some chocolate (thankfully) found in his bag. We got a breather, then once through with food he again started demanding 'mamu ke big car mein nani house jaayega.' Thats when I started to panic, called bro, sis, upto 30 times and guess in the ho hum of the fate, they couldn't take my call.

The last resort, called G, requested him to navigate my driver from Valley view to heritage school, and took A to the sand pit yet again requesting D my maid to keep him engaged. Called mom, she would be another hour, sis responded, and I asked her to come spend time with us so I feel reassured. She and her friend came, we spent time together and finally once my driver came, we left. Of course A was a bit heart broken he wanted to go back in Maamu ki big car. Boys will always be boys ... badi gaadi dikhi nahin kee zidd shuru.

We had more breakdowns which really got the better of me, but I will not write as its not necessary.

The learning, its good to take such challenges, helps prepare children for confusion, also helps build your nerve muscle.

The other progress that I wish to account for is that A is writing more happily, on sand and floor with chalk, I love to see him find writing reinforcing, its a delight to watch him make a Z in complete 'Zorro' style. He is going back to some food items on his own, Pasta, Eggie, Cake have started to find their way in his heart, he eats as much as a bit though, but it almost as if what got lost with regression is making its way back :-) I will seize the opportunity. Will need your prayers so I have strength,

The other thing that has found its way back is paints. When music left us, paints came back, also reading came back, so we are not unhappy, some art form needs to stay with us.

And music also has not left us really, I am just waiting for A to be stronger and older, and I will put him in a music class, right now therapies alone take up so much of his time.

Bubbles is coming to an end :-( we will be registering for July, these guys can do total magic.

Even though some days the road ahead has alot of mist and the days look dark and bleak, A brings me the promise of hope, almost saying ...

"Jeet jaayenge hum, tu agar sang hai!!"

Prelude to Christmas and carnivals

So A and I continue to do our khansi kee  jugal bandee ... the worst there ever is. Parents of 4 year olds will vouch for this, this never ending cough can kill the guts out of you. For me the problem also is he takes no mention of medicine (unfortunately like mother like Son) and runs in and out of the rooms making himself susceptible to temperature differences. This time of the year is THE WORST for mother and child as its gloomy, its cold, its coughie and coldie.

Steaming with Calpol capsules is doing some magic but that too my Son runs away from.

Parents .... this is what makes us so special, when we give up everything for a vomitie coughie coldie crankie food refusing toddler and continue to love him. My dad used to say 'children are noisy at one end and messy at the other."

Other than the health issues we are doing well. A is loving the christmas spirit whereever he is getting to experience it. Unfortunately owing to all the tending to ailments, I have not had the chance to buy the christmas tree this time (as planned) but lets see, we still have Monday.

Tomorrow A and I are planning to attend a Christmas Carnival with family. We are all going to H school where A's masi is a teacher, his cousins are students and his Mami is volunteering, the idea was to celebrate the spirit of togetherness. Its a date with his Maamu.

A has moved away from music since November, realizing that the 'November promise' was not kept, he hardly asks for his instruments, and I don't encourage either, its good, I want to let time pass and will be looking for a good music teacher in the neighborhood by the time he turns 5. He continues to want me to sing though. And should he on his own go back to his instruments, its fine, but I am making no effort in that direction.

He is in a good place, pretty much in sync with life, he does get difficult sometimes but who doesn't.

Will update further ... just wanted to keep the show going.

Yeh Ladkaa hai yaa shaitaan kee khala????!!!!!

What is with the milestone of mischief?????

My Son seems to have taken it quite seriously, he is at it all the time.

Despite my repeated disapproval he continues to cough and play with water .... at first he restricted his water play to the bathroom, then he started carrying water in a mug and later in bowls and sprinkled all over the house ... does he not feel cold??? Main toh khans khans ke khas insaan ho gayee hoon.

But I am loving it. His face glows when he is at his mischievous best. He has been a total delight since morning, he seems to be getting in sync it seems. He had a fantastic session with his sports teacher with whom he is learning to ride his bicycle. He is also in love with his bike (thank God) at home you will find him on it perpetually.

Mera ghar phir se ban rahaa hai bachhon kee phulwaari
jaahan har dam goonjaa kartee hai mere bete kee kilkaari.

Beta tum aise hee achche lagte ho, main irritate zaroor hotee hoon, par yeh irritation sar maathe par.

He has developed a rapport with our new help, which is such a blessing, I get a breather from time to time.

We have had a very good day and even better evening.

Last night was difficult when he continued to cough and as I got up to reach for his milk (with homeopathic medicine to soothe the cough) he got all clingie and crankie as if I was leaving him and going away.

That I can't bear, but sometimes I am helpless too.

But the good thing is for the gone two days while his dad was away, we hardly saw A miss him, my brave little boy is growing up. He keeps himself busy with scribbling with chalk, painting the walls with his squeezy paints and asking me to read him his books.

For now I am just rejoicing the chilled out childhood my boy is blessing me with.

Khurafaatee khargosh kahin kaa ....








But 

Gratitude to the Lord

A revelation, its not the color with I write .... its the fact that "I" write.

Just wrote about going on a new journey feeling so tranquil, and guess what my home is so full of positive vibes and serenity.

Yesterday when G left in the evening, A was so upset, he cried and cried for a while, but as usual I sang to him and gradually he sobbed his way to sleep. This was at 7.30 pm, while I was glad he slept, I was nervous he would wake up in the wee hours of the night and cry for papa. Guess what??? He slept THROUGH the night and woke up ONLY when I woke him up for school.

I on the other hand, strangely woke up at 3 am for no reason and was up since. The good thing about reclaiming my self is that after a long long LONG time (11 years to be precise) I have started waking up early on my own .... sometimes as early as 4 am.

I remember as a child my dad used to wake me up and I would keep going '5 minute ... 5 minute', always wondered if I will ever be able to wake up early effortlessly ... my wish has been granted, I not only wake up early, I wake up smiling :-) (I hope this is not a sign of old age)

Bubbles class is coming to an end, but we are happy at what we have achieved so far. I am already looking for alternatives, and hopefully will finalize something by tomorrow. Jab ek darwaza band hotaa hai to kahi ek roshan daan khul jaata hai :-) Attitude kee baat hai, A loves coming to AFA, and has learnt alot from them, but it is perhaps best he takes a break . This new place I am already conditioning him to, I take him there for sports intervention.

Have bought him his new BSA bike, a yellow one, when I was little my dad bought me a folding pink bike .... which I never rode, only bragged about it ;-)

But I want A to ride his bicycle. We will also buy him the scootie once he generalizes the cycle. The idea is to make outdoor alot more reinforcing. I also bought him his basket and ball, we need to practice catch, throw and shoot. Will buy him a hoola hoop gradually.

Spoke with his school teacher, and she reports he seems to have fallen in love with her. God Bless M di, she and H di have done wonders for A. They were raving about his progress and were full of praises for my effort, validation always welcome but now I have a larger family supporting me.

As I write my little boy is happily making a galaxy of stars and meteors with his chalk on the wooden floor.

This is year I intend to get him his Christmas tree and we will decorate it together, for the very first time, we will celebrate Christmas at home, up until now it was at Nani's with Masi ALWAYS being SANTA.

The festive excitement is returning to our life.

I like a life like this, quiet, peaceful, serene, in command, when I really feel on top of things.

Apart from a horrible cough, I think we are both doing kind of ok.

Just to add, from a regular 10 views a day on this blog, from today the views soar upto 65.

I get your love guys, really do, I love you back ...... anonymously ....

Update from A's diary

Today at Bubbles class his teachers were very satisfied by his work, he seems to be doing well and they are MOST DEFINITELY doing magic.

Today he gets his first written alphabet, on the sand pit he wrote 'A' again and again and again, I kept clicking pictures and videos, he also makes a house for some strange reason it is a circle with a cross in it. I felt so over whelmed, for a mother who has seen her son struggle with poor fine motor skills to finally write an alphabet, is a big achievement.

We spent a good time at AFA at the swings, winters is a good time to spend here, we make the most of their outdoor, the swing, the slide and the sand pit.

Dec 17, 2012

Further Update

As it turns out, A has more written alphabets, he can correctly and reverse write P, he tries in his sweet little ways to make a Z with chalk.

He has returned to his love of writing on the walls, some parents / teachers might frown upon that, I celebrate it .... abhee nahin wall paint karegaa toh kyaa bade ho kar karegaa. I will pay heed to the behaviorist advice about sanctioning / defining one area .. so far its just my room, will try to let it remain that.

Yesterday we played a lovely game in our attempt at floortime

From the alphabet tray he picked up a K and said with great enthusiasm and laughter 'arre yeh koi X hai' and he started laughing and I played along giggling 'arre nahin yeh toh K hai.'

He did that for many alphabets saying 'arre yeh koi .... hai'

Usske maasum hasee par duniyaa kurbaan

woh hastaa hua kheltaa hua, explore kartaa hua itnaa itnaa pyaara lagtaa hai!

I am loving it.

The Panchatantra Journey

My Son moved on from Aanand Preschool to Panchatantra Montessori, a school whose ethos and philosophies come pretty close to mine both as a parent as well as a professional. My association with Maria Montessori's methods was first established in the year 2004 when I studied Montessori methods as part of my training at School Of Rehabilitation Sciences (AADI). We were also taken to a Montessori school for observation. The fascination for a concrete curriculum, a place where a child can learn autonomy, where he / she is respected and regarded for his / her exclusivity stems from back then.

In England I started my work journey by first volunteering with The Iffley Montessori and later within a month since they appreciated my contribution I was offered a part time job there. (http://daastaaneinankahee.blogspot.in/2007/07/iffley-montessori-school-i.html; II; III)  It is there that I harbored this innate desire to be able to send my child (whenever I have one) to a school with as much excellence as the Iffley Montessori.

Back home in Gurgaon, we were fortunate to be associated with Anand Preschool for giving us just the same amount of excellence in practice. But sadly they could only give us a year (a life changing meaningful year however). When deciding for our son A, we had offer from three programs out of our  list of top 5 out of which we needed to choose. I am glad we chose Panchatantra. What the school did for my child, I will never be able to pay back, all I can extend is my heart felt gratitude. What follows is a letter of gratitude that I sent them, am putting it here for sharing.

Dear Bidisha Ji,

Hope you are well.

Thank you for inviting me over for the workshop (Reach me teach me) on Saturday, it was an enriching experience for me and coming to Panchatantra is always the most enchanting experience for me. Panchatantra School for me is best described in three words … Excellence, Precision and Artistic. Every element seems just right.

Right from the Orientation day to the day of the workshop, what is exceptional is how you use the art forms where ever you can – essentially music. It is your ability to reach out to all parents through the soulful music and the prayers that accompany it,  that makes all of us want to always connect with you and the school.

As you already know, Aarshabh who is a very musically inclined child could settle so beautifully just because of the fact that your curriculum heavily draws from the arts. Infact we experienced many ‘firsts’ for Aarshabh in your school and that too in just a span of ONE TERM.

His first response to ‘aaj aapne school mein kyaa kiyaa tha’ was a very enthusiastic  ‘harmonium bajaaya thaa’, this later extended to ‘dance class gaya thaa’ … to ‘yellow kadi khaaya thaa’. Among the many skills that you facilitated, the most important for us was how he started eating independently, and whats more started asking for food he had sadly given up like porridge and rice. From Shahana ji apart from a lot of love we also got the gift of ‘baking cookies’. I attended the Friday when the class was baking cookies, Aarshabh – a very tactile learner having complete fascination for aataa was overjoyed and participated fully. At the end of the day when every one ate the cookies, he helped himself to three! That weekend at home we too baked our very first successful batch of ‘star cookies’ as he fondly calls them. The other thing Shahana ji did for him was to connect him to butter (oh! Bless her) she affectionately took a little butter while kneading it into the flour on the cookie baking day and offered it to all children for experience. My Son would never take it from me, but enchanted he too was with her ‘pied pieper’ ways he took the butter instantly. And now we have little Aarshabh demanding to snack on butter all the time (true to his name – another name for Lord Krishna).

It has been such a fun experience watching him become more and more independent – one morning at his OT class I saw him sit on his own, take off his shoes, pull out his socks meticulously rolling them into balls and tucking them in the shoes and the final step, placing his shoes neatly in a corner. Panchatantra! I said to myself with a smile. I could never teach him what you could so effortlessly. The other thing he was often found doing was signing with finger on his cheek and cutely saying ‘Surabhi Mama’ – Preeti maam I smiled to myself. We loved the way he got a complete reinforcement for all the things dear to him like gardening and playing with water, play dough, dance, music and art. Thanks for giving him such an enriching exposure to life that can be made beautiful by the art forms.

I remember on one such days when I accompanied him to the assembly in the basement, where ALL children were enthusiastically participating in the ‘pip pip pip pip tara ra ra rum’ I was immersed with gratitude to the Lord for finally giving me the school that I want my Son to find himself in. This school is very Shanti Niketan for me, very Nayi Taaleem and very Divaswapna, not to take away the exclusivity and originality of Panchatanra school. And while I was smiling to myself watching such magic in the school assembly, my son being a little tuned out (being new to the expereince); my attention went towards another little child, who was vibrant, jumping away ...enjoying the music so much that he was constantly falling out of line … total non conformist I said to myself, a perfect alter ego to my Son Aarshabh and for a moment I went in fantasy watching these two connect and grow to be great friends and owning a rock band of their own. But I checked myself, not to get too ambitious, friendship does not come easy to children like my son. And as if it was by design, by next week Aarshabh’s class teacher reported how Aarshabh and Toby were a sight together, both connecting so beautifully and Aarshabh would come home and talk about Toby as well.

I found all my answers … really for my son. This is the place to be, Aarshabh will be so happy and so connected, this is the dream school for him. But as they say ‘when you think you have all the answers … God changes the question’. With a heavy heart we needed to bid farewell to this school as we needed to move to Noida. It was not an easy decision but what really helped was the generosity with which you said “Aarshabh is OUR child, he is ALWAYS welcome to come back”. Thank you, for giving him so much love and most importantly for giving him a voice and a bounce of confidence.

While at England, I started my work cycle with The Iffley Montessori School and as I watched the precision, with which they worked with the children, every child confident, every child autonomous, I sometimes used to pray, when I have a child, wish I can send him to a school like this. And with Panchatantra school, even if it was just a term, my wish was fulfilled.

May you continue giving direction to all children who come in contact with you and please pray for him to find his direction wherever he goes. He often remembers every one taking each of their names in the order ‘Ek Shahana maam hain, Ek Aditi maam hain, Ek Preeti Maam hain, Ek Divya Maam hain aur Ek Saanya maam hain’.

We spend time on facebook going over the Panchatantra page and some pictures I clicked while I was there. I had requested Aditi maam to mail me some of Aarshabh’s pictures at school, I hope she can make time to do so, they will go up on our wall of fame.

Thank you once again for everything,

Warm regards,

Surabhi

The Graduate

On March 24, 2012 my Son achieved yet another significant milestone, a big and significant chapter is complete. His association with Anand was a brief one but clubbed with Tara this was a 23 month chapter out of his 44 months on this planet :-) Below is my letter of gratitude to the people who brought Anand to his life.

Dear Mover Team, As Aarshabh moves on to newer pastures with his small but confident strides, we feel the need to express our deepest gratitude to the entire Anand family for welcoming us and helping Aarshabh develop into such a confident child. This year has been a milestone year for us in more ways than one and your contribution has been very instrumental in helping Aarshabh move forward towards realizing his true potential. Be it through the big Fish Tank, the many ‘fishie’ toys that Aarshabh brought from Anand, the black cow boy hat which almost became our family member, Aarshabh’s fondness for his Aunties who are and will always be in our heart as A aunty, D aunty, ‘B’ Aunty and (sorry for the special emphasis) the very special A aunty who seems to be his safety mascot- he calls out to her in distress ALL THE TIME. The Phys Ed drill that we witness on ALL WEEKEND mornings without fail; and Aarshabh’s devotion to his Music Sir which is visible through the way he idolises him at home. We have had to buy him a proper (as he puts it “black and white piano”) key board with mike (since he insisted on having a wire attached) and he places it on a cross made with jodo cubes (like his music sir places his key board on a cross stand) and insists on a A-4 sheet of paper calling it a book which he places in front of the keyboard. Aarshabh’s love for music and more so his response to Music Sir helped us see the immense potential he has in music. The Jhoola zone which has been his lifeline, the toy zone from where he picked the very first but significant strands of pretend play; I have seen him at home placing a tambourine on the floor like a step, stepping on to it wearing the ‘black hat’ and holding onto a torch like a mike and sing ‘A, B, C, D, E ….’ Finally G didi, Sh bhaiya, and all the other didis who have helped him, a very BIG thank you to all. We could not have managed alone- every contribution counts for Aarshabh. We firmly believe that the fabric that makes a child confident and willing to take on newer challenges is his self esteem, and the people who are instrumental in constructing that fabric with never ending love and a firm belief in the child’s abilities are the biggest gift God gives to the child. Thank you all for being God’s best present to Aarshabh. It has been a privilege to be associated with you, to witness the detail in which you all invest yourselves towards the children as well as the parents, be it through the snippets of wisdom that we get every Friday via ‘All about babies’, or a brief chat with the team for advice, events like ‘the journey ahead’ and a warm acknowledgement of “we are there for Aarshabh”. If it wasn’t for that assurance, Aarhsabh could not cruise through the new found challenge of receiving a diagnosis of Autism. Today we stand strong, with every challenge being addressed and under control, we still need to walk slow and therefore we are deferring our ‘big school’ journey by a bit. As we take our little steps into a bigger world, we thank God for all the kindness and love that came our way through the Anand Experience. God bless you all. Warm regards,

A peek into the year that was made special by Anand ....

When it all began ... July 2010

Aarshabh in his favorite hang out

A disoriented outdoor picnic for Aarshabh ... he faces the wall while others pose

Celebrating Diwali together

Pajama Party...

All dressed in their night suits

The classes got a makeover of nightfall

The Sports Day... and he looks so cute!

Gearing up!

My Outstanding star (always standing out)

The non conformist, don't tell him what to do!!!!

Christmas time!!!!

Hide and seek the Christmas tree!

For Fancy dress he became a freedom fighter and on the mike he shouts Inqalaab jindavaad!

Food .. glory is food!

Visit to the fire station (he is the tiny thing in pale green)

Fire station, stay up close!

Happy Holi ... the guy totally in himself in one corner

The Graduation Ceremony

Presenting the graduating batch of 2012

In response to a question "why are you special" amid the proper parroty answers like "because I eat my vegetables, because fruits make my skin glow, because I love my mumma and papa, as well as some genuinely honest answers like because mama papa buy me toys, I went for chinese, my son ... despite my failed attempts to get him to parrot 'because I like music' went upto the mike and with a very naughty smile and gleaming eyes said "hooosh!' loudly into the mike! Totally nonconformist!

Last but not the least .... the Graduate!!!!!