Last week while playing 'Fountain in the mountain' you fell down and got up sporting a huge red patch of blood clot. You whined a little at first but got busy with the outdoor yet again, and my heart started bleeding.
Back home, my hands were trembling when I was applying dettol to cotton and was so nervous to clean your knee. I prayed to God and started reciting Hanuman chalisaa (however much I know) loudly so you could get distracted by the chant. And with shaking hands and tear filled blurred eyes, I put the cotton near your knee, and then with one swift attempt - on the bruise. You cried loud and I cried with you. I am sorry you got hurt.
It kills me to see you in pain. The other time I could not contain myself was last December when you were hospitalized owing to extremely high fever and they were making a prick for inserting the cannula. Normally I am very strong as I feel I need to give you all my strength when I am asked to hold you, your hand etc, but this time I was asked to step out - and God, even as I write this, my eyes well up ... turning away from your child who is communicating so much through his eyes is the most difficult thing to do. I just stood behind the door trembling, wiping my tears and praying to God to help you go through this.
I don't think I am as good a mother to you as you are a son. I feel I could not provide you the best start, I am still struggling to provide you all that I want to.
I just wish I am able to do justice to the amount of love you have filled my life with.
Now I end this teary eyed emotional drama with a little song :-)
Aansun tere niklein dil meraa roye,
chot lage tujhko to dard mujhe hoye,
tere zakhmon pe apnee zubaan rakh doon,
aa meri jaan main tujh mein apni jaan rakh doon!
You are the bested baby in the whole universe!
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